There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
