Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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