I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
