i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
