no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
