I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
