remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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