I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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