dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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