Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
