I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
