I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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