she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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