Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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