You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
