I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All the doctor said was why
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
