Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
