My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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