Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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