If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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