That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
