My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
