how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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