the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
