in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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