perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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