1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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