At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
