your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
