If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
