my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
