I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
