All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
