He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
