I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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