So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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