i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
