There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
