I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
