Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
