Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
