On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
