I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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