We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
