were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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