My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
