She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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