is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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