Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
