I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
