Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
