Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
